Impulse Control Techniques: 10 Ways to Pause Before You Act

Picture two systems in your brain. The gas wants the reward now: the thrill, the relief, the win. The brake is your planning brain. It thinks about later. When you're tired, hungry, stressed, drunk or in a group that's egging you on, the gas gets stronger and the brake gets weaker.

The good news: the brake can be trained, like a muscle. Every time you pause, even for 10 seconds, you make the next pause a little easier.

1. Rate it on the urge meter

When to use it: The second you feel the pull.

Time: 5 seconds.

1. Ask: "What number is this urge, 1 to 10?"
2. Say it in your head: "It's a 6."
3. Pick the move for that number from the table above.
4. Rate it again after a minute. Urges rarely stay at the same number.

2. Know your triggers and hot spots

When to use it: Once, while you're calm. Then update it.

Time: 10 minutes.

1. When: What time of day do impulses hit? (Late night, payday, Friday after work.)
2. Where: What places? (The mall, a certain bar, a gas station, your phone in bed.)
3. Who: Which people? (A friend who dares you, an ex who pushes your buttons.)
4. What feeling: Bored, lonely, angry, stressed, celebrating?

Write your top three. Then plan to avoid one or go in with a plan.

3. Spot the permission thought

When to use it: You hear yourself making a case for the impulse.

Time: 10 seconds.

Impulses often come with a smooth sentence that gives you permission. Listen for:

• "Just this once."
• "I deserve it."
• "No one will know."
• "It's not a big deal."
• "I'll fix it later."

When you hear one, name it: "That's a permission thought." Naming it doesn't stop the urge, but it takes away its disguise. For more of these, see our list of thinking errors.

4. The 10-minute pause

When to use it: Any urge at a 5 or higher that isn't an emergency.

Time: 10 minutes.

1. Tell yourself: "I can do it in 10 minutes if I still want to."
2. Set a timer on your phone.
3. Leave the spot if you can: walk away from the shelf, close the app, step outside.
4. Do something with your hands: water, a walk, text a friend about something else.
5. When the timer ends, rate the urge again. Then decide.

Most urges drop a lot in 10 minutes. You are not saying "never." You are saying "not this second."

Quiet pause for work and public places: "Let me think about that and get back to you." "I'll grab it next time." Then breathe and walk.

5. Urge surfing

When to use it: A strong urge that won't go away on its own.

Time: 2–10 minutes.

1. Notice where the urge lives in your body: hands, chest, stomach, jaw.
2. Rate it, 1 to 10.
3. Don't act on it and don't fight it. Picture it as a wave.
4. Breathe slowly and watch the wave rise, peak and fall.
5. Rate it every minute. When it's at a 3, decide what you want to do.

Urges are like waves. They build, crest and fade, if you don't feed them.

6. Calm your body with slow breathing

When to use it: Your body is buzzing and you can't think.

Time: 1 minute.

1. Breathe in through your nose for 4.
2. Breathe out slowly for 6.
3. Drop your shoulders. Repeat five times.

A calmer body gives your brake more room. If you feel dizzy, stop and breathe normally.

7. STOP

When to use it: You're about to react to something.

Time: 30 seconds.

1. S — Stop. Freeze. Hands still.
2. T — Take a breath. One slow breath, longer out than in.
3. O — Observe. What am I feeling? What's the permission thought? What's really happening?
4. P — Proceed. Choose the next step on purpose.

8. The 10-10-10 rule

When to use it: A choice that feels big right now.

Time: 1 minute.

Ask three questions:

1. How will I feel about this in 10 minutes?
2. In 10 months?
3. In 10 years?

Example: skipping a probation check-in to go to a party. In 10 minutes: relief and fun. In 10 months: a violation, maybe jail time. In 10 years: a longer record. The "now" voice is loud. These questions give "later" a voice too.

9. Follow the chain of consequences

When to use it: You're telling yourself "it's not a big deal."

Time: 2 minutes.

1. Write the choice at the top of a page.
2. Ask, "And then what happens?" Write the answer.
3. Ask again. Do it four or five times.
4. Look at the last link. Is that worth the first one?

10. Make the wait easier

When to use it: Daily, for the impulses that keep coming back.

Time: A few minutes to set up.

1. Add friction. Delete saved cards from shopping apps. Leave cards at home when you go out. Keep alcohol out of the house.
2. Use a 24-hour rule for any non-essential purchase over a set amount. Put it in the cart, wait a day, then decide.
3. Set one SMART goal for later: specific, measurable, doable, important to you, with a date. "Save 300 dollars by March for a car repair." A clear "later" makes "now" easier to skip.
4. Reward the wait. When you hold off, give yourself something small and healthy.
5. Sleep, eat and stay sober on high-risk days. Tired and hungry brains have weak brakes. See stress management techniques.

If an urge feels impossible to resist again and again, even when you don't want or need the thing, or if gambling, spending, drinking or anger is costing you jobs, money or people, talk to a doctor or a mental health professional. For gambling, call 1-800-GAMBLER. For drugs or alcohol, the SAMHSA National Helpline is 1-800-662-4357.

If your impulses show up as anger, read anger management techniques. If they show up behind the wheel, read how to calm down from road rage.