How to Calm Down From Road Rage: 9 Safe Steps

Picture an anger meter from 1 to 10. Behind the wheel, the higher you go, the worse you drive: tunnel vision, slower reactions, risky moves.

The goal is to catch it at a 4, not a 9.

1. Notice the warning signs

When: The first second of heat.

Your body tells you first: a tight grip, clenched jaw, heat in your face, fast breathing, leaning toward the windshield, a heavy foot on the gas. Say your number in your head: "I'm at a 6."

2. Say your cue line

When: Right after you notice.

Time: 2 seconds.

Pick one short line and use it every time, so it becomes automatic:

• "Space, not speed."
• "Not worth it. Let him go."
• "I get home safe. That's the win."

If you have passengers, say it out loud: "I'm getting heated. I'm going to back off."

3. Take a driving timeout

When: You're at a 5 or higher.

Time: As long as it takes to get back to a 3.

At home you can leave the room. In a car you can't, but you can step away from the other driver.

1. Notice. Catch it at a 5 or 6.
2. Say. Your cue line.
3. Make space. Pick the safest option: ease off the gas and let the gap grow; let a tailgater pass; change lanes when it's safe; or, at a 7 or higher, signal and pull into a safe, busy place like a gas station. Stay in your car with the doors locked.
4. Return. Go back to normal driving only at a 3 or lower.

A driving timeout is not speeding off to "win," brake-checking, following the other car, or pulling over to wait for them.

4. Breathe with your eyes open

When: While the car is moving.

Time: 30 seconds.

1. Eyes on the road, both hands on the wheel.
2. Breathe in through your nose for about 4.
3. Breathe out slowly for about 6.
4. Let your shoulders drop. Do it two or three times.

Don't hold your breath and never close your eyes while driving. Longer practices like box breathing are for when you're parked with the engine off.

5. Swap the hot thought for a cool one

When: Once your breathing has slowed.

Time: 10 seconds.

The fastest road rage thought is "He did that on purpose." Most of the time, you don't know that. Try:

"Teach them a lesson" is the most dangerous thought on the road. It's how a lane change turns into a chase.

6. Follow the safety rules

• Stay in your car. Many road rage fights start when someone gets out.
• Never follow another car. Not for a plate number, not to "talk."
• No eye contact, no gestures. Look ahead.
• Phone down. No filming, texting or posting about the other driver. Use it only to get help.

7. If someone follows you

1. Keep your doors locked and windows up.
2. Don't drive home.
3. Drive to a busy, well-lit public place: a police station, a fire station, a busy store.
4. Call 911 when it's safe, or ask a passenger to call.

8. Check yourself before you turn the key

When: Before every drive.

Time: 30 seconds.

1. What's my number right now? Don't start the car at an 8. Walk, breathe, or call a friend first.
2. Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Fix what you can.
3. Did I leave enough time? Running late is a top trigger. Leave 10 minutes early.
4. Am I sober? Never drink or use to calm down before driving.

9. Write a 3-6-9 safe driving plan

When: Today, while you're calm.

Time: 10 minutes.

• At a 3, I will… name it, one eyes-open breath, turn on music.
• At a 6, I will… say "space, not speed," ease off, let them go.
• At a 9, I will… signal, pull into a safe busy place, stay in the car until I'm at a 3.
• My top road triggers: two or three (tailgaters, slow left lane, being late).
• Why it matters: one sentence. "My kids ride with me."

Keep it on your phone. Read it before long drives.

• Screaming in the car or pounding the wheel. Venting tends to keep people angry, not calm them down.
• Driving fast to "blow off steam." Revving up your body and your engine makes it worse.
• Getting even. Brake-checking or blocking a lane invites a crash or a fight, and can lead to criminal charges.

Road rage often starts before you get in the car. Lower the load with stress management techniques, and check the thinking traps in our list of thinking errors. For anger off the road, see anger management techniques. For fast, risky choices in general, see impulse control techniques.